In honor of “Back to School” time, here is a list of

The most traditional forms of hazing back when I was in high school:

The Bear Crawl

Senior hall was the long (relatively speaking) hall that ran right in front of the school offices.  This is where seniors hung out before school and during lunch.  God help the underclassman whose locker was located there.  Most mornings, the seniors in senior hall were entertained by watching freshman bear crawl races.  This was humiliating, but little pain was involved, and it was over in about 60 seconds.  The summer before my freshman year, my best friend’s older (step)brother promised to look out for me in HS.  Of course, it was him who handpicked me to run my first bear crawl race within 2 weeks of school starting.  If you decided to protest your induction into a race, you faced a stiffer penalty……

The Pink Belly

This was both violent and painful.  It was normally conducted only during P.E. when the teacher was away, but could be inflicted anytime.  Basically, 4 or 5 guys hold someone down, pull their shirt up, and slap their belly until it is flaming red.  It seems like it was always the same 3 or 4 guys who were selected for this punishment.

Sit on the Fountain

Before I started high school, I would hear people talk about someone getting set on the fountain.  I had this vision in my head of some sort of decorative fountain located in an elaborate courtyard.  As it turns out, it just meant any of the ordinary drinking fountains located throughout the school.  Some kid could be walking down the hall and, suddenly, get plucked up by 2 or 3 seniors and set right on the drinking fountain.  A quick twist of the wrist, and your pants were drenched.  Little pain associated with this one, but it was humiliating and, unlike a pink belly, hard to hide.

Thrown in the Girls Bathroom

I think there were only 2 girls’ bathrooms in my high school.  An observant freshman was always aware when senior boys were stationed near one of the doors.  One guy would knock your books out of your hand to disorient you, and the others would force you into the girls’ bathroom and hold the door shut while you tried to get out.  There were no fringe benefits either, because these guys were gentlemen, and usually waited until no girls were in the bathroom.  My brother once endured a rare combo when he was forced into the girls’ bathroom, sat on the sink until soaked, and then held in there.  By the way, good luck finding your books when you were finally released from captivity.

Dying Cockroach

The most infamous form of hazing was the Dying Cockroach.  It could happen anytime and anyplace.  There was no force involved – just the threat of future punishment if you didn’t voluntarily comply.  If you were unlucky enough to be selected, and scared enough to not resist, you would lie on your back, arms and legs extended and waving, while shouting “I’M A DYING COCKROACH!!!!”  Some people actually volunteered to perform this, disrupting classes and assemblies, and thereby gaining favor with the seniors.

Most of these were harmless and overlooked by the teachers.  The fact that most of the administrators were either current or past football coaches raised the tolerance level.  I did witness one incident, though, where the teacher flipped out because the hazing had gone too far.  The seniors stuffed a boy into a football equipment bag, and hung it from the chin-up bar in the gym.  Then, they proceeded to pelt the hanging bag with bombardment balls until the P.E. teacher walked in.  Brutal.