The Worst Book I Never Read

Most of my childhood memories are of good times.  There are a few bad ones, though, that have stuck with me throughout the years. When I was a kid, we had hundreds of books in our house.  I read a lot of them, but there is one that I never dared to read.  Despite having never read it, it probably left a more lasting impression on me than any other book I’ve ever seen.

I mean, come on!  For obvious reasons, I hated this book.  But you know who did love it?  Anyone who wanted to make fun of a brother or classmate named David.  I speak from experience.  In my brothers' defense, though, I'm sure it was nice for them to have an alternative to calling me "Baby Davey".  For all I know, the book was a true work of art, but I just couldn’t get past the dumb stupid title.

The book’s description even hints that there is a feel-good ending, that maybe David isn’t so dumb and stupid after all.  I don’t know – I refused to read it to find out.

I’ve done a little research on the author Dorothy Aldis.  She was born on March 13, 1896.  She began writing children’s fiction books in 1929.  She was one of four children, and eventually had four children of her own.  The blurb in the back of “Dumb Stupid David” says that her books “demonstrate that she knows the ways of children”.  I find that pretty hard to believe.  Had she really known the ways of children, I think she would have recognized the fodder that she was providing to generations of children just itching for a way to torment a sibling or classmate named David.

I would even go so far as to say she chose the name David in an effort to inflict the most damage possible.  When the book was published in 1965 (my birth year!), the name David was the third most popular boy’s name in the U.S.  The name, in fact, ranked in the Top 5 every year from 1950 to 1987.  That’s a heckuva run.  If Dorothy Aldis had really known the ways of children, she might’ve titled her book “Dumb Stupid Nelson” or “Dumb Stupid Leon” after names much further down the popularity list.

Mrs. Aldis died on July 4, 1966.  Boy, I’m sure glad she was able to get this book published just before she crossed the finish line.

When I made the decision, about a month ago, to purchase this book, I was shocked to find out that it was some sort of rarity.  Even the worst condition copies were selling on Amazon for around $100.  I kept looking, though, and eventually found a nice copy that used to sit on a library shelf somewhere.  I paid much less than $100, probably because the dumb stupid seller didn’t know what a treasure they had.  My copy has the 1965 copyright date, but it says “Third Impression”.  I'm too dumb and stupid to know the difference between “impression” and “edition” so I don’t know it’s monetary value.  It doesn’t matter to me.  The real value in me owning this book is that it means there is one less copy floating around for future little boys named David to read.

I do plan on reading the book – probably this weekend.  It is sitting next to my recliner, just begging to be picked up.  When I do finally read it, I will be thinking about Dumb Stupid Dorothy Aldis and the impact her book made on someone who waited 50+ years to read it.